FJ Cruiser Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced
up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized that
she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took
the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out "Business trip or
pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business, I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America convention in Chicago,"

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at the convention?"

"I am the lead lecturer," she responded. "I take what I have learned from
my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about
sexuality."

"Really," he said, "and what kinds of myths are there?"

"Well", she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are
the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian
who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that
Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent
that are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with the absolute best
stamina is the Southern *******."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all this with you. I don't even
know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba." :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while
on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes
in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the
local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, and get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you
go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch a alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same
young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming
rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim,
shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were
7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The
blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP! THIS
ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:)

:-(

Well, how about some "A$$ICONS?"
Here goes:


(_!_) a regular a$$



(__!__) a fat a$$



(!) a tight a$$



(_*_) a sore a$$



{_!_} a swishy a$$



(_o_) an a$$ that's been around


(_x_) kiss my a$$



(_X_) leave my a$$ alone



(_zzz_) a tired a$$



(_E=mc2_) a smart a$$



(_$_) A rich a$$



(_?_) Dumb A$$
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter
old man, never done anything wild in your life?' Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
146 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I
>
> can get a haircut?"
>
> The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said,
>
> "About 2 hours." The guy left.
>
> A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and
>
> asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
>
> The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
>
> The guy left.
>
> A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,
>
> "How long before I can get a haircut?"
>
> The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a
>
> half." The guy left.
>
> The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a
>
> favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long
>he
>
> has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
>
> A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing
>
> hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he
>
> leaves?"
>
> Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
>
>
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top